I have stood there in my jammies, coffeeless, cleaning up the mess for the last time. Stupid coffee maker is gone gone gone.

Coffeetime is a vital moment in the day, as anyone with sense will acknowledge. And the tragedy of coffee deferral is extended, compounded, magnified when you have to clean up the unholy mess that happens when the filter basket does not drain, so the hot water fills it up and then overflows in a pyroclastic flow of steaming grounds all over the fucking counter. This is NOT within the range of acceptable experience at 8am on a weekend. No it is not.

And from today, it is no longer part of my life. The coffee maker is dead, long live the coffee maker. I kept the old one for espressotime, which is pretty rare for me at home, but when I want it, I want it. And that part of the old one still works fine, plus I didn't see any units at the store that would do both for under $150. I am not handing over a Benjamin for a goddamn coffee pot. No.

The one I got has spifftastic retro styling (not portrayed all that well in the photo, but I'm too lazy to reshoot). And it has a reusable basket, so I'm a smidge more green than I was, I guess. But the big point is that it will not puke coffee grounds all over the goddamn counter in the morning when I have by definition not yet had my goddamn coffee. The universe is a big enough pain in the ass without putting up with that sort of crap.