So what's the rule on usage of this 'date' word? How much does it imply sex? Is it still a date if you both know that no sex will result? Is sex required for a 'hot date' or could that just be one with a heightened sense of fun or intensity or potential or something? is sex possible without any specific dating?

One of the many aspects of this 'dating' language that confuses me is the linkage to sex. I'm aware of the more or less universal acknowledgment that everybody who's dating is doing so with the goal of at least sex, and many want that to be part of a big-whoop, capital R Relationship. Dating is the way you get from acquaintance to routine bed partner, it would seem. Is that all it is?

To me, company makes a lot more sense as a goal. Seems like all those layers of expectations would nearly kill any prospects for the bigger connection, unless both somehow miraculously want exactly the same things. Given the inevitability of some mismatch, clarification of expectations is an undeniably vital part of coupling (in all senses of that word). Why would you want to start out under the weight of all that, while you're still uncertain about who's going to be into what with what balance of want and need and hope? You'll have to take that on as a joint project if things progress to that point, but it seems like an obstacle to simple friendly company in the early stages.

This mistrust of the whole tryst mythology undoubtedly reflects my own preference for said friendly company. I'm not opposed to greater intimacy, but damned if I'm going to set that up as some precondition that colors the whole process of getting to know one another and exploring a the wonders of a new person. And the chances that gears will mesh seem so low that you'd be cutting off almost all potential partners just by imposing all those filters on the dating experience.

Maybe that's not true if expectations are low enough. If all each person wants is regular sex and someone to hang with, then dating = sex = Relationship is probably good enough. Do significant numbers of people settle for that? Maybe they're just afraid of more. Or maybe the security of a mutual commitment to that level of relatedness creates a safe space for greater intimacy to develop. I'm thinking of Tevye and his wife, whatever her name was, with this. Or any arranged marriage.

But the odds seem so much greater than later exploration would uncover mismatches rather than matches, leaving people to live in dissatisfaction or lop off bits of themselves to fit one another's molds. I just hate hate hate the idea that a marriage bed would have any Procrustean character at all (with due apologies to Lydia for the image).

Ain't it better to date for company and activity and fun, and let the sex and whatever else just kind of take care of itself? Lord knows, that the sex makes its own demands known with no additional assistance, to say nothing of deeper connections.

I'm in a moderately serious fret about being forced to sell the damn house at a deep discount in the crappy ass real-estate market. According to all reports, it's tanking completely, even from the level of a couple months ago, when it was already tanked. But K will. not. wait. She wants out NOW NOW NOW so she can shop for a condo or something. I can't blame her.

But I don't want to get used by the realtards either. That building represents a whole lot of work and thought and intention and sweat. The fundamentals of the market are bound to kick it back up into a good range when the panic subsides, and I'm not willing to give that gain to some slick motherfucker who's willing to scavenge the corpse of the marriage and the poor market.

I'm starting to think about assuming the mortgage on my own, even knowing that the place has way too damn much space for me. Except (a) I'm not sure I'd qualify with the tight loan market and the hit to the credit rating that always happens with divorce and (b) I'm worried that this is me clinging to the cold comfort of the familiar place, with all the memories and crap. And I'd probably have to rent a room to somebody, and how would I do with some random stranger living there with me? Not well, I suspect.

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.